the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
