I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
