He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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