So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
