her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
