i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Boobs are out for the taking
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
