I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
