So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
