Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
