maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
