How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
