My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
