i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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