I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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