You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
