I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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