i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just want to make out with him forever
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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