I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
