tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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