I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
