How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
