Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
