Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
