I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
