When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Too much gin, very little bucket
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
