I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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