i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
