My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
