You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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