What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
