At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
