I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
