Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
