I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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