tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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