My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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