theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
