I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
