youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
