I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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