I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
