You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
