i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
