We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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