just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
