I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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