It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
