wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
