come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
