I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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