we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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