I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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